where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
