I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
