When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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