Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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