We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
