You're earring is so big in my mouth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
