I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
