Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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