I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
