SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
