He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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