So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
