hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
