you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
