he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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