I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
