I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
