Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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