Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
