she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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