history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
