After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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