I'm so fucking centered right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
