Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
