I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
