she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
