YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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