Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
