You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
