I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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