i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
