I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
