Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
