I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize