never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
