He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
