i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
