but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
