i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
