piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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