ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
