I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
