just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize