we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize