You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
