My boss' voice literally gives me gas
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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