btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
