take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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