I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
