I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize