I hate all girls vehemently.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
