When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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