saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
