hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
