just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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