I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
