He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
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These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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