I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
