This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize