so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize