I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize