He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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