was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
