She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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