I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
