I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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