Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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