my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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