you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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