Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
