I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize