awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
