My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
