the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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