Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
