Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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