but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have tasted many bathrooms
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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