I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
